"Have the maturity to sometimes know that silence is more powerful than having the last word." - Thema Davis
Another day another fight. Here’s a brain dump.
“Normal”
I want to be “normal”
What is normal
Why is the way I am not normal
The way I’m perceived is more important than who I actually am
What’s the point of worrying about how I’m perceived if the perception is wrong
I can be myself all day but the moment something I say or do is perceived bad I’m automatically in the wrong
Normal is a blank standard for to many things
My mind is not normal
Normal is compared to zero on the pain scale
If my way of living was a zero I’d be dead.
Sometimes I think being dead would be easier…
But I want to have my life.
My chance to be me
Yet I’m stuck in being perceived as normal
Why is being me a problem
I’m tired of defending myself to people who just want me to think more on how I’m perceived
If I did that I might as well stop being me
Be who everyone want all the time
Cause that is apparently what normal people do.
I know I don’t really post on here. It this seems like the best place to share something I wrote…
I’m tired
I’m tired of running in my own maze with no map
I’m tired or running in circles with no finish line
I’m tired of overthinking everything into a corner
I’m tired of being my own worst enemy
I’m tired of pushing away loved ones
This version of me is exhausting
I want to stop being tired
I want to start living
I want my loved ones to feel loved
I want to feel less hate
I don’t want to keep myself in the dark
I don’t want to be alone
I don’t want the people around me to feel scared
I don’t want to cry by myself
There’s so many things to want and not want
I just need to make my brain stop
I just need to listen to the people around me
I just need to live
No more spirally
No more fighting
No more useless crying
“My cat was NOT happy when the parrot learned to speak his language…” (via tinywarrior)
